Tales from the Field: When Mental Capacity Wanes – Ethical Considerations
Every October, the Association of Fundraising Professionals celebrates Ethics Awareness Month to spotlight their Code of Ethics and Donor Bill of Rights.
This week, we tackle a problem you may have faced with major donor prospects – what to do when you witness, suspect, or hear through the grapevine that a prospect may show signs of diminished mental capacity.
This year alone, I encountered 4 such situations. In 2 cases, community chatter suggested that long-time major donors had begun to experience memory issues. In the 3rd, a fundraiser grew suspicious of memory issues during a meeting. Either way, the Code of Ethics guidelines clearly state that the ethical fund development professional must “refuse to participate in the structuring of contributions by any prospect or donor who, to the reasonable person, is incapable of making an independent, informed decision.”
In short, if you feel uncomfortable with a donor’s ability to make an informed decision, do not ask for a gift. Period.
While that sounds cut and dried, the situation rarely presents itself so clearly. Anyone who has watched a loved one slip into dementia knows that subtle changes wax and wane and can vary day to day and hour to hour. Memory lapses often emerge first. A donor may forget a recent visit, ask the same question several times during a meeting, repeat a story from 10 minutes earlier, or have no memory of a pledge or gift made a few weeks ago. They may lean heavily on notes or a spouse to recall things they once tracked with ease, send duplicate checks or unusually large gifts, or struggle to follow a proposal they once grasped easily.
So, what can you do when you suspect memory issues that make it feel unethical or uncomfortable to ask for or accept a gift?
Stop the meeting. If the realization hits you mid-meeting, graciously wrap up and do not ask for a gift. One of my clients did exactly that after hearing the same story for the 3rd time during a meeting, ending it with a nebulous next step and later removing the prospect from consideration.
Engage family members. This scenario shows why you should always build relationships with spouses, children, and advisors, especially as major donors age. If the family already knows about and supports their loved one’s affinity for your organization, you can share your observations with care and ask them to make the gift in honor of or with their family member – or not. That conversation grows far more difficult without that established trust. You can also solicit the donor together with a spouse or other family member, which feels natural when you know them. In 1 of the 2 community cases mentioned above, a successful solicitation unfolded exactly this way.
Let them go. If you have no relationship with the family, or the family will not engage, you have an ethical obligation to let the donor go. Unfortunately, the other community case ended this way.
Pause unusual gifts. Even more challenging, what do you do when a donor you barely know simply sends checks – larger and more frequent ones? That happened to a 4th client this year. Depending on the number and amount of the checks, you can reach out to the family or decline the gifts. If you decline, return the checks with a gracious note rather than letting them sit uncashed, document your decision, and inform your executive director.
Diminished capacity rarely announces itself, which makes these situations some of the hardest ethical calls in fund development. When you come face to face with this situation – and you likely will – trust your instincts. If you question a donor's ability to make an independent, informed decision, do not ask. Stop rather than solicit, ending the meeting graciously and revisiting your strategy later. Build trusted relationships with spouses, children, and advisors early, so you can honor a donor's wishes ethically when the time comes. Without that family engagement, know when to let go – even from a long-time donor. And when unexpected gifts arrive, handle them with care, return questionable checks with a gracious note, document your decisions, and involve your leadership.
